Just the way you are :)

Hurmm...This song touches my heart..Makes me wish I'm that girl he sang it to ;)
May b 1 day..InsyaAllah..Kita doakan jak la. ;)

As I woke up today (I was late for work!! :p )...

Kebelakangan ni fikiran I kusut..dgn bermacam2 persoalan...

Last nite, as I text with my 'friend', he's damn serious bout me being his wife. It's not that he's not good, he's everything I wanted as a husband. I knew him for 4 and a half years now. And he stand to his word of waiting for me no matter what happens. He did, after everything I've done...Yet he still wants me..
His words that I cant forget is 'I never touch ttg kelemahan U. So jgn U mulakan. Bagi I Ur perfect. Sesempurna yg I inginkan sebagai isteri I'...tersentuh skjp dgn kata-kata tu, bila diri ini merasakan tidak sempurna, ada insan yg masih mengungkapkan kata itu...Alhamdulillah, hrp2 itu bkn skdr manis d bibir shj. I don't want to put too much hope in it. Sedangkan pantai boleh berubah :)

Terlalu besar rasanya cita-cita dan impian yang ingin dikejar. Smlm, kata-kata daddy telah menyedarkan diri ini ttg sesuatu...bicaranya lembut, tp cukup terkesan di dada. Ucapnya 'jgnlah terlalu memikirkan diri org lain hingga mengabaikan diri sendiri.Tanggungjawab sbgai kakak, ckuplah sekadar yang termampu.Tidak perlulah mengorbankan segalanya utk adik2. Think about ur own. Ur a big girl now,U need to start to build ur own family'. Akan patahkah hatinya bila tahu anaknya ini, semakin putus harapan terhadap cinta? Entahlah...Apa ada pada cinta? Ia sesuatu yg abstrak, tiada definisi, juga sifatnya tidak dpt diungkapkan dgn kata-kata. Bagiku, cinta sentiasa berubah. Cuma akal, rasional dan komitmen yg dpt mengukuhkan sesebuah 'cinta'...

Minggu dpn, bermulanya tugasku yg sebenar. Mgkn tiada masa terluang utk mengusutkan kepala dgn segala persoalan2 spt skrg. Tp to me it's far more better. I want to focus more on my work...Enough of hearts and feelings stuff. InsyaAllah, I'll do the best for my life. I know I can sit on clouds, fly to the moon, chase stars and colour the rainbow... Lets juz keep the spirit high.. ;)

~Hugs Quotes~

A DOCTOR'S PRESCRIPTION FOR HUGGING:
by Mark Katz, M.D., Member of L.A. Shanti's Advisory Board
"How important are hugging and physical and emotional contact for people affected by life - threatening illnesses? In my work, I have found that people who receive nurturing maintain a better outlook on their situation -- and historically, positive attitude is an important factor in long-term survival. Hugging and physical contact make a difference in a person's frame of mind, and may help their medical condition. Best of all, hugging has no side effects and does not require a trip to the doctor. "I recommend at least one hug a day"

~Hugs~

There's something in a simple hug 
That always warms the heart; 
It welcomes us back home 
And makes it easier to part. 

A hug's a way to share the joy 
And sad times we go through, 
Or just a way for friends to say
They like you 'cause you're you. 

Hugs are meant for anyone 
For whom we really care,
From your grandma to your neighbour, 
Or a cuddly teddy bear. 

A hug is an amazing thing - 
It's just the perfect way 
To show the love we're feeling
But can't find the words to say. 

It's funny how a little hug
Makes everyone feel good; 
In every place and language,
It's always understood. 

And hugs don't need new equipment,
Special batteries or parts -
Just open up your arms 
And open up your hearts. 

       Jill Wolf 

Life if has a funny sense of humour...sometimes it's harsh, yet meaningful, sometimes it's soft but unmoveable...Lately, all sorts of questions pops out in my head, trust me.There's lots more questions than answers right now. There's lots more uncertainty than determined action...
I consider myself in a transition stage now ( I think so...) A lot to think, a lot to consider, choices to take, actions to be done, but yet, so little time...It seems like I want to reach for evrything but there's juz not enough energy...Still, I still have th conscious in me, not to reach for things too high. If you can't reach for the stars, then admire it from afar. Alhamdulillah, I'm content with what I have now, with what i have achieved.
Relationships? I failed in that successfully (^.^)  I cease to think bout it, but it doesnt mean I lose hope in it.Juz not this time..Just not yet~~InsyaAllah, one day. It's a hard choice to make in my case--between family and the one you love. Its like the situation I've been through not so long ago...Only this one, I am late in realising it. Love can be find in any way,..but someone had waken me up, making me realise all that I have had is to be thrown juz for the sake of love...A broken relationship like mine (once had), seems valueless and it makes the feelings more vague. He took me for granted as he knew I cant live without him (I onced think like that) but now I realised I dont need him for he's there juz to wound me further...it's possible to be blown by the wind and are lost with the sands of time. Who knows...I leave it all to Him above ^.^
I'm happy with my life, I'm content with the path I'm in, I'm satisfied with the choices and decisions that I've made...but bear in mind...I'm not gonna stop!!As I know, I have a lot to be achieved in this life of mine & that I will do with a lot of enthusiasm...I wanna colour the world with my pallets!! ^.^

I smile...dont ask why. Heehee...
Hidup ini pelik kan? Sometimes we're happy when we're sad..Sometimes we're sad when we're happy. It a circle but a distorted circle...Wonders of Allah..But still Alhamdulillah, coz we're given another chance to live and enjoy His creation...
Along this life, there's a lot of people that I stumbled upon..some stays and some goes. Some makes and bring changes, some became the changes...
Actually, I tak tau apa yg I merepek ni..nghee...
Kblkgn ni, I always think about my life...Entah, mcm dh jd semakin dewasa la pulak (cheewah!) I did a lot of thinking. Honestly, I think something in me have changed. I'm not sure what, where & when , but I'm positive it's there. Alhamdulillah, I'm happy with the change. I dah mula thinking bout my future, where I want to be, what are my aims & how I want it to be...Bak kata orang, segala yg indah itu bermula dgn impian & perancangan. Tidaklah salah utk bermimpi, asal tahu d bezakan mimpi dan realiti. Impian itu pendorong, tp perlulah d bataskan agar tidak memakan diri...InsyaAllah, peringatan utk diri sendiri  ;)
Balik ke kpg smlm, mencambahkan keinginan utk mempunyai cahaya mata sendiri. Kelincahan anak buah, kepetahan nya bercakap, dan kenakalan nya mengusik membuatkan hati ini riang. How I long to have a baby..tp blum tiba masanya kot..nghee...InsyaAllah ada rezeki, ada jodoh...Bersabarlah wahai hati ;-)
My active life also have slowed down. I miss my time I spent jungle trekking, photography...One day, InsyaAllah...

cinta seorang teman..

Oppss my topic today is very cliche..haahhaaa as many belief that man and women cannot stays just as friends...how's that?
For me, ini bknlah isu yg baru...I've been asked & jealous-ed upon by exs', his gfs' and our frens. I mean its completely normal for me to be friends & stays just as friends to a guy. Its's no a biggie or it's not as if the world's gonna end. I'm very content & comfortable becoming friend to guys compared to girls...Y u asked? I also dont know!! I dont hv many girl friends, nor do I hv a real permenant girl's comsultant as many girls do. But I do a long list of good guys friends..& psssstt~~ I have a permanent boy friend too as in juz friends k)...  Guess i'm different & that I indulge in ;-p

Feelings...

How do you know it's true? How do you know it's real? I have s problem with these two..

never a poet, hanya luahan hati yang pilu..

Today...
all I ever wished for..
is so that everything's all right.
Today...
all I prayed for..
is that give me the strength to hold on tight.

Dugaan itu terlalu hebat,
diri ini tidaklah sebegitu kuat...
mencari sisa ketabahan dalam diri,
andainya ada lagi...
akan ku teruskan perjalanan ini.

Hopes seems to fade,
strength seems to wither...
all I know...
is that I have to move on and be strong.

Malam ini air mataku tumpah lagi...
bukan maratapi segalanya,
juga bukan tanda menyerah.
Andai kata diberi kesempatan lagi,
mampukah segalanya kembali?
demi sebuah ikatan yang abadi...
kumohon berkatilah usaha ini.

I love all of you,
I care for all of you...
but I'm tired of being strong...
I'm tired of smiling when everything's all wrong...
Hatiku menangis pilu.


Kadangkala aku penat.Penat dgn segalanya...aku penat menjadi yang paling tabah, aku penat menjadi tpt luahan...Siapa pula sanggup mendengar kataku? Tanpa prejudis, tanpa sangsi di hati? Sepanjang jln air mata mengalir, lega juga rasanya. Wpun penah berjanji dgn diri, takkan ada lg air mata..tp kali ini aku tidak sekuat dulu. Bila segalanya semakin sesak menimpa,aku sakit...Kali ini, aku memilih untuk sendiri. menghadapi segalanya demi adik-adik. Impian ku cuma satu, beri segala yang termampu, utk mereka menjalani hidup yang telah berparut ini, tanpa ada sedikit rasa sakit lagi. Akan ku korbankan segalannya, agar mereka tersenyum kembali...InsyaAllah...Aku terlalu sygkan keluarga ini..

Adoyai... (hehe sakit blkg duduk lama sgt)

Anyway...I've nothing 2 say!! Yay!! haha LOL...

(not in a stable state of mind...)

I spin a Tale..

Listening to Maher Zain's songs somewhat soothes me...simply cant say why. It reminds me n bring me back to where I started to fell in love with Islam. A lot of people asks why I converted. That I just cant answer,cuz I myself cant explain it.All I know is it's a beautiful feeling that nested in this heart from Form 3...Many also critises me for risking my marriage with my decision. It's a hard thing to do...but again I never expect it to be easy. Choosing between someone you love and you have lived with, some one you've vowed to grow old with and a rightful religion, is the hardest decision that I have ever made...
Now I spin a tale..A tale of love, hurt and InsyaAllah, a beautiful begining..
Who ever thinks a small, petite girl wearing baju kurung,that sits at the front end of the classroom is having her own inner conflicts? No one...as she masks it perfectly. But somehow, someday, she heards a sound...more like a song,a beautiful song...coming from the end of the school block. She fell in love with it instantly and follows it. She cried that day, out of fear, out of the new feeling that arise deep inside her...
Few years later, that same girl is out of uniform, to further her education.Still she cant get that voice, that song in her head...And from there, she's determined to take it as a her personal quest. To find the truth behind the voice in her head. A journey she knew will be a road full of thorns and tears.
Later along her life, she got married. She did have her doubt,as the songs still lingers in her head.But, she felt there's still something missing...One day, she makes a decision. A hard, hurtful and decison.She risks it all--her family, her marriage, even her life. She chooses to follow the songs, even though she knew she will lose everything and stands alone,starting from nothing once more. She somehow felt she is strong enough to deal with it...
Now as she wakes up every morning, she smile...As the void is now filled. She now sings the song too...The songs of love, the songs of truth..Alhamdulillah...As her world now is as colourful as it can be, as sunny as the suns that He made..
~Ya Allah...Terima kasih atas anugrah yg diberikan.Atas kesempatan yang dihulurkan untukku mengenali Mu dgn lebih dekat. aku bersyukur atas segalanya.Berilah kekuatan kepadaku untuk menyusuri jalan ini, agar sentiasa mengingatiMu~

Now that is a tale...a tale of a new begining..InsyaAllah~

This morning when I was on my way 2 da office, ( I was late for work :p ) I enjoyed my usual morning session listening to Sarawak FM.Suddenly, I hv the urge to switch to Hot FM...Rupanya lagu oldies sdg berkumandang...apalagi I pun layan~~ After that, I switch to Hitz FM, time for gotcha call. Hv a good laugh. The duo's topic of the day is 'no topic' hahaha..Suddenly, this dude (he wish to be anonymous so they call him Mr. Lion..LOL!!) call up and ask them on their opinion of their mates/couples checking through their stuff--hp, ltop etc...Then they decided to make it their topic of the day..haha.The topic is interesting so, I'll make it my topic of today..
Personally for me, I have nothing against it. If my couple check my hp, bags, purse etc its ok. But I'll make sure it works in a two way street! My rules are pretty easy...U do it, then I do it too. U check mine, I check urs too. U stay away from mine, I will too. Its not that I make the rules out of ego or anything, its juz that I need people esp my partner to respect my personal things.Then I'll respect them too.Its not that hard isn't it?
Anyway, I've known a lot of my frens wif check-it-all couple...They complained about it, but they themselves do the same thing too!! Haaha...well it really depends on the couple really.If they think its necessary, then do it..If it sounds and makes you look childish, then dont do it! Its as simple as that.
For me there are few things that makes the core of a good strong relationship:
1. Trust
2. Honesty
3. Avoid jealousy (a lil bit is good, but dont become too green!!)
4. Tolerant
5. Take the person as she/he is...changing them to your desired shape, aint gonna make things better.Trust me! I've did that, been down that road for quite a few times..

Right now, I'm very content with my life... :)  Praise Allah...Alhamdulillah.. :))

metamorphosis

A circle of life...A journey of change & adaptation. It's something that all of us have to go through in all phases of life.It's not the matter of when, its the matter of how that matters most. Each phase of life, brings us to different level of responsibility. A different level of thinking, a different level of ways we perceive things around us, thus bringing & preparing us to become an adult. All this relies on us...to change for the better or for the worse than we already are.

A caterpillar will change into a butterfly as the circle spins,as do a little larvae change to its 'better' form such as ladybirds, mosquito etc... Does human as the highest being created by God, went through this circle of life. For me, we do..Its juz that it depends on us, to acknowledge and change or to ignore and remain ignorant. Everyone wants to be better overtime, that I am sure of...In my view, to achieve that, first, throw away your ego. By holding up to it, nothing will change,not even if you tried your very best to.Secondly, open your eyes, heart and mind for critisims and advise.These things are not be looked upon in dark lights,try to look at it in a positive way. God created these as I believe He wanted us to learn from our mistakes. Thirdly, remember, rules are made for reasons. Its ruled out based on other people's experience...Its not hard to obey them. You may feel the reasons are unreasonable. But who knows one day when you have to face the consequences of your action, and then there's no turning back. Fourth, pray, ask for forgiveness and be thankful to Allah for all that He have given to you. When you are having a bad day or rough times, juz remember all that is Allah's test and that in the world there lots more people that are not as fortunate as you...
Allah tidak akan memberikan ujian, cabaran dan dugaan diluar kemampuan umatnya...InshaAllah..
♥♥♥